Well, as is quite often the case with me, I decided to do a fun, new thing, and then fizzled out.  But even if my enthusiasm for blogging fizzled almost as soon as it began, it doesn't mean that I can't pick it up when I feel so inclined, now does it?

There's is something in my personality that I have long known exists, and recently I have become sort of reawakened in my awareness of it.  And this thing that exists is that I have this tendency, when people do something directly offensive or generally unkind to me, I get quite angry.  Not only do I get angry, but I, in solitude, often sit there and seethe, and in that time of being alone, suddenly recall every affront, every rudeness, every condescending or insensitive remark, basically all negativity that this person has done, until I am not just offended at the current thing they have done, but instead have become this flaming little ball of anger and wrath over this person.

But what is strange is that as soon as I see the person, about whom I could have potentially spent hours dwelling on every negative quality, all my anger is gone.  They might say a kind word, or just be friendly, and all my fury is gone.  For now.  The next time they do something against me, you can bet it will start all over again.

See, I generally am a "let things slide" kind of gal.  I like to pride myself, probably far more than I warrant, on my ability to be easygoing and go with the flow.  But what I really do is let people get away with being a jerk, and forcing it to "not bother me" when in reality, it clearly does, as it comes out in a sort of mental vomit when I reach the previously discussed breaking point.
And it's not exactly that I'm a ticking time bomb.  There are clues.  If I start to make slight, defensive remarks to a person, or say things that seem to have a weird, passive aggressive challenge to them, you can bet it's because whatever is being said to me, though it is perhaps only slightly offensive, is actually one of many things that said person has lately said to me that were along a similar strain, like some slow, globby mudslide starting to pile up, and while it is at first sort of slowly bulging along, soon it just gets heavier and heavier, until an avalanche of muck is tumbling down and grabbing everything in its path.

So why get to this point?  It seems weird that if I am not going to initially rebuff or point out insults a person gives me, that I would then choose to do it later, in a way that is on the defensive or possibly even passive aggressive.  Well, it is hard to point out every little insult.  It does seem ridiculous, for every snide remark to be met with, "You know, I really feel like you are belittling me."  But is it?  If a person said a snide remark, even a rather minor one, why can I not feel the right to fight that?

I think the answer lies in how people view reactions, especially in women.  There is this idea in society that when women (or anyone, honestly) acts upset, that very act of showing emotion is irrational, overly sensitive, and unstable.  "You're overreacting."  "You're just super sensitive."  Both are responses I've gotten when I have tried to explain myself in situation where a person was blatantly condescending or rude to me.  Very seldom will I tell a person, "Wow, that was a jerk thing to say."  More often it goes like this: Say I am talking about a band I love.  The person I am talking to says they hate it, and I have horrible taste in music.  My response would generally be along the lines of, "Well, that band is actually really good.  They do x y and z in their music that shows a lot of artistry, and they are talented musicians."  I have been in very similar situations to this, and yes, responses such as "Stop being so sensitive" and "you take things so personally" are common.  But the fact of the matter is, in the original statement, the comment made was personal, a personal attack on my taste and judgement.  And though so often my response isn't even one of personal offense, but rather a point of attempted self-legitimization based on objective ideas, the very act of trying to legitimize my opinions is then berated as being hyper-reactionary, and hyper-sensitive.

What an insult: sensitive!  It's become a loathsome idea in modern culture, which values humor, stoicism, sarcasm.  I'm very sarcastic myself, and I love it.  But we live in an age where negative responses to careless and rude behaviour are automatically deemed "sensitive." What does that mean?  It means, according to the person doling out such a phrase, that the recipient is not capable of responding in a normal, healthy way. That they are in some way out of the norm of the way the world works.  That they cannot handle life. That they lack rationality.  It demeans the personality, bur more importantly, it demeans the credibility of the recipient's mind, opinions, values, and abilities.  It is a loaded word that has come to almost automatically be a way to push others into an inferior role in regards to yourself. "I am more stoic and I don't take any offense at my own incredibly rude words, and since you do, I am clearly the more rational of the two of us, and thus the one that is worth respecting, listening to, and making decisions."  Someone saying those words would sound absolutely preposterous, but it is, at the core, what is implied when we deem others "too sensitive" when they react to our own insults.

So it's no wonder, I think, that rather than address my concerns in a normal way, I have been reduced to this creature that lets everything go, until the moment that straw breaks the camel's back, and all alone, I burn with something close to hatred for whoever is the cause.  And then, the moment I see them, I revert back to happy calmness, because that is how I have programmed myself, out of necessity, to constantly feel around others.  If I let rude comments effect me each time, I would in some way point them out each time, and in turn be told that being offended by clearly offensive things makes me, as always, "so sensitive."

But the thing is, each time I go through a period of intense loathing and focus on the collective foul actions of another, the next time it happens will be sooner. And probably more intense.  With each rotation of angry/angrier/seething/oh-hi-I-see-you-in-person-and-am-fine!!!, my overall patience, love, and ability to forgive the minor things chips away.  Each time is intensely damaging to the friendship that exists.  And yet I am crippled to do anything about it, because to do anything about it is to be hyper sensitive.  And it leaves me wondering, what will happen the day I get so furious that seeing the person no longer cures it? 

The Way Men Smell (and how it effects dating)

A while ago, I watched a random TV program (on at 3 in the morning) that did scientific experiments, trying to figure out the mechanics of what makes people attracted to each other. What I found the most interesting, and rang most true, was a part about women in relation to the way men smell.

They set up this experiment, where they had a bunch of guys work out for a long time, and then they took their nasty, smelly, sweaty workout shirts, put them anonymously in special smelling chambers, and had women smell, and then rate the smell, of each sweaty shirt. Within each group of men, they had slipped in either a father or brother of each woman.

So the results were interesting. The women always absolutely hated the smell of their relative - it always got the lowest scoring. And then, usually, there was one or two that they actually didn't think was all that bad. For those a bit slow on the uptake, I'll explain this for you: female noses naturally pick up repeated genes. That means when women like a way a man smells, his genes are very different from hers, which lessens the risk of genetic diseases and birth defects in their offspring. It's pretty danged spiffy, actually.

But back to the dating-realm application of man-smells to women noses. I had never thought deeply about how I related to a guy's smell before, but this show got the wheels spinning in my head, putting two and two together. And I've since realized how absurdly true it all is. I will go ahead and say that the way a guy smells to me is the #1 determining factor in whether I could ever marry him. He could be drop dead gorgeous, rich, a really strong Christian, super sweet, everything great on earth that I'm looking for - and if I didn't like the way he smelled, I just couldn't do it. Everything else about him is all for naught.

And let me say, for those whose minds are springing to this option, no cologne or frabjous deodorant will do you a shred of good. I have smelled guys who obviously wore the same products, and hated it on one, while loving it on the other. They mix with your natural scents, giving off your own version of that product every time. So there's no faking a smell, boys. It just can't be done. You're stuck with whatever smelly genes God gave you.

So lads, maybe you've been pursuing some cute girl, and she's not really into you. Maybe she laughs at all your jokes, you have loads of fun together, you know you're a good looking bloke, and you have tons in common - but still, the romance is just not there on her side. Well, she might just not like the way you smell. I'm sorry, mate. There's nothing you can do about this. Your relationship was doomed to never begin, because you're too genetically close to your lovely lass. It's time to move on. So for any men who have ever had a totally (seemingly) inexplicable, cold-footed reaction from a girl? It might have been your smell. My condolences.

But fear not. Somewhere out there is a girl, a lovely girl, so genetically different from you, that even after seeing and catching the scent of your horrendous pit stains achieved by a day of heavy lifting in the hot sun, she'll still love you. Congratulations.

But seriously boys, if you keep coming onto a girl, and she's not interested, leave her alone already! She probably thinks you stink; literally.

Love,
Ali

Le Grand Opening

So, a good friend of mine (ie, my roommate of my last five months that were spent in Japan) recommended to me that I start a blog. And, as I take a lot of stock in what said former roommate says, here I go. This is a blog, and I am writing it. Or have written it, since when you read it, I will invariably be done writing it.
What will my blog be about? Well, most typically, I can only imagine it will be about the ever-popular subject of: the opposite sex. Which in my case, is men. But I'll write about women too, just from a more informed, and less frustrated perspective. I think both sides will be able to gain extreme insight from my highly insightful mind.

Cheerio, danke,
Ali